One Moment Of Truth

Hey everyone

Hope you are all doing well.  Things are coolaboola with all the H’s as Fran the Man would say.  We’ve settled into a nice routine now that Amelia and Nate are in pre-school/playschool every morning.

Below is an article that was initially published in 40Fabulous magazine that I thought I’d share with you all today.  I was asked to write about the topic ‘Glorious Goddess’ and this was my take on it.  I hope you enjoy.

One Moment of Truth

If I look back at my adult life thus far, there have been many times when I felt my inner goddess bubble up inside of me and shout to the world ”look at me! I’m only massive.”

And these occasions have all been so diverse, because I believe that we have many diverse and splendid goddesses bubbling away within us waiting for a chance to pop up and say hello.   I’m sure we all have different names for our goddesses but mine fall into these camps – The Domestic Goddess, The Creative Goddess, The Adventure Goddess and The Mother Earth Goddess.

I can remember the first time my Domestic Goddess – DG – came to say hello.  This was way back in my 20’s.  Anyhow, having lived on a perfectly robust diet of baked beans on toast, peanut butter on toast, marmalade on toast – you can see a trend here – I finally decided that it was time I donned an apron and unleashed my inner DG.  So I cooked a roast dinner for the first time.  The full works of course, roast beef, Yorkshire puddings, roast potatoes and all the vegetables and gravy.  And it was delicious and all who partook in the feast were suitably impressed.  DG is a big part of who I am now, as I love to cook and it’s in my nature to nuture those that I love with my culinary delights.  DG does however get Wednesday’s and Thursday’s off though, as those days are Writing a Bestseller Day and my Creative Goddess comes to town.

My Creative Goddess – CG – made many attempts to come forth over the years but I was very good at ignoring her.  Despite being told in school that I had a very good writing style, despite writing my first novel, I still stuffed my Creative Goddess into a box alongside my writing projects.  Then one day she had enough.  She shouted so loudly that even my deaf ears could no longer ignore her and since I have released her, she’s here to stay.   In my previous life, the one without CG, I was a Sales and Marketing Manager and a pretty good one at that.  And while I enjoyed my role, I didn’t love it. Now I have never felt so fulfilled professionally as I do writing for a living.  The money is pretty lousy and the hours are long, but I’ve not stopped smiling since this adventure began.

And speaking about Adventure, that brings me along nicely to my Adventure Goddess – AG.  This one is pretty cool and she’s been around the longest.  I think I first realised her significant presence when I was a young girl competing in Hunter Trials, galloping at high speeds over even higher ditches.   Over the years she’s been exhilarated as I tried many new things, screaming joyfully as I’m jumped from an aircraft doing a charity parachute jump or yelling with delight as I travelled the world in my 20’s and early 30’s.  I’ve been to some really cool places and done some pretty cool things but that’s another story.  Suffice to say I’ve worked in Mozambique and flown across South Africa in a small aircraft in my day to name but a few AG moments. But here’s the thing, since I’ve had children of my own, AG respectfully remains beneath the surface, because she’s good like that.  She knows that now I am a wife and mother, I have responsibilities.  She’ll never disappear, because I’d miss her too much, but for now she’s happy to step aside so that Mother Earth Goddess – MEG – can take precedence.

I waited a long time to meet MEG.  I craved having children of my own for so long.  When I met my husband and fell in love, I was so impatient to meet our children. I always knew we would have them, the when was the bit I wasn’t sure of.  MEG had popped up over the years whenever I had the joy of loving and caring for my nieces and nephews and my friends children in my role of Aunty Cam.  And then I met and fell in love with a cute little 3 year old girl called Eva, my husband’s daughter, who would go on to become my step daughter and MEG was finally out and so very proud!  Being a step mum is hugely rewarding, but I had no idea what was ahead of me when I finally got to experience becoming Mummy to my two children Amelia and Nate.   The moment that both of these were gently laid on my chest, Skin to Skin, Mother to Child, I looked into their beautiful blue eyes and lost myself there for an eternity and a moment and I recognised a huge truth.  That I was now forever changed in that moment.  I had experienced a love unlike any other love there is in the world.

And it is this love that gets you through the sleepless nights that babies bring you.  The tiredness is unlike anything I have ever experienced before.  There were days where I struggled to find the time to shower never mind blow dry my hair or apply makeup.  And there were days where it was impossible to find anything clean to wear because the only laundry I had managed to do was for the babies.  And yes, there were days where my husband and I looked at each other and wondered would we ever have any time for just us again.  And poor old MEG was all on her own, because DG and CG and most certainly AG were all off on vacation drinking cocktails.

But then one day a new Goddess rocked into my town.  It happened one afternoon shortly after my son Nate was born.  I was sitting on our sofa, with both my children fast asleep on me.  I hadn’t had a shower in a few days (oh the shame) and was still in my PJ’s.  And my husband stood up to take a photograph of me.  I pleaded with him not to take a picture, I looked a right sight. My eyes were bloodshot with tiredness.  But he took the picture and I will never forget what he said to me.

He told me that he had never seen me look more beautiful or happy with my two babies in my arms. 

photo (11)

And when he showed me the photograph I saw what he saw.  There are so many more photographs of me where I looked prettier, younger, less tired.  However in that picture, that love which was inside of me was shining out and that is what my husband saw and made me see.  I was beautiful.  And in that moment of recognition I welcomed my Glorious Goddess for the first time.  GG is without doubt the most powerful of all the goddesses.  She is also the best of them and the wisest.  She knows that it doesn’t matter in the slightest what I look like, what matters is who I am and what I am.  I am happy.  I am fulfilled.  I am loved.  And so I am Glorious.


I’d love to hear your own moments of truth, please do share.

Thanks for reading as always,

Carmel x

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